Like I Do
by smurfette-is-on-waterskis
Summary: Ellie is a mystery. Why doesn't she talk anymore? What is she drawing in that notebook? What is that carved in her thigh?


She hasn't spoken to anyone in three months. She rarely moves. Just sits by that window looking at something that no one else can see and working on her third notebook of her drawings. The tears stopped after the first month. Now she sits numbly. Waiting for the day when her voice will come back, remembering the day that it left her.

January 15 2006, 3 months earlier

"Hey Ellie, wait up!" Craig says running to join his friend. She loves the smile he gets when he is happy to see someone especially if that someone is her.

"Hey Craig how are you?" She says. Ellie becomes a different person entirely when she sees Craig.

"I'm great. I'm having a really good day. How are you?" He asks.

"I'm good to, what makes today so good?" She asks. He stops and looks at her. He leans in real close, his lips about an inch from hers. Ellie's smile disappears and it turns into nervousness and anticipation.

"Good friends." He says, rubbing his nose against hers Eskimo style, then turns and walks into Degrassi High School. Her face twists into disappointment and she follows him into the building.

She had a big crush on Craig for a long time. At least that's what she calls it, a crush. It is quite apparent to everyone else but Craig and herself that she is so madly in love with him, so crazy for that boy that she would do anything for him. During class all she can think about is Craig, and that moment in his basement. He was giving her a little drum lesson after the rest of the band had left. He kind of giggled and sat on her stool behind her, kind of straddling her and grabbed her hands. Together they started to play the drums, the most beautiful drum song that she'd ever heard. Slowly it was as though their bodies were becoming one. They closed their eyes and just absorbed each other. The movement slowly stopped and they opened their eyes. They just stared at each other for about a minute that seemed to drag on for years. Craig quickly leapt in for a kiss that didn't even last for a millisecond. He looked away then.

"I'm sorry." He said, all shy like. Ellie didn't answer with words. She just plastered a powerful kiss on his mouth, a kiss that seemed to go on for years.

"Ellie Nash!" Miss Kwan said firmly.

"Um, yes Miss Kwan?" she says, hoping to God that it was the first time that she'd said her name.

"That is the third time that I've said your name, start paying attention or I'll send you to the office!" Miss Kwan says.

She looks down to her red composition book and works on another one of her drawings. One of her many, many drawings. No one knows about her drawings, or the contents of her notebook at all. She's very protective of it.

"ELLIE ELLIE ELLIE! Craig screams all the way down the hall knocking over several people in the process and then crashing into her practically tackling her into the lockers.

"What Craig? What?" She asks curious about his behavior.

"WE HAVE A GIG TONIGHT! TONIGHT!" he yells ecstatically. Ellie's jaw drops and she smiles the biggest smile that anyone had ever seen. They then grab each other's arms and jump in a circle screaming so loud, people staring at them.

"Where at?" She asks when they are done spinning.

"A friend of Joey's friend is getting married!" He exclaims.

"A wedding gig is better than no gig this rocks!" She jumps up and kisses his cheek. His smile gets bigger and he places a quick kiss on her lips. She laughs and Craig gives her a hug that takes her breath away either from the pressure, or just from the hugger, and he lifts her off the ground and spins her in a circle. Ellie realizes that she has never been happier in her entire life. It's all because of Craig.

"You are a miracle man. You make my dreams come true I want you to know that." She says, a glimmer in her eye, her arms wrapped around his waist, his hands low on her hips.

She means more than just this gig and her musical dreams. He found a cut on her arms a couple months earlier. She expected him to yell at her or to call her a freak. Then he wrapped his arms around her and sounded choked up.

"Ellie you're so wonderful please don't hurt yourself. Please don't hurt yourself." He said soothingly.

"I don't know how to stop Craig. I want it so bad when I'm not doing it. I just don't know how to stop." She said numbly.

"I'll be your way. I'll be your way to stop." He said. And he was the reason that she stopped cutting.

"I'd be no where without you girl. You're my best friend Elle." He says, laughing and wrapping his arms around her neck and hugging her again.

They link arms and walk out of the school leaving a trail of whispers. Everyone wanted Craig and Ellie together. Everyone but… her.

"Come on now Craig, she's hot, you're hot, she's sweet, you're sweet, she's funny, you're funny, she likes music you like music," Marco says before Craig cuts him off.

"Okay now I don't know if you're trying to hook us up or you're hitting on me." Craig says, kind of jokingly.

"All I'm saying is is… dear God do I feel hetero…" Marco says, a shocked look on his face. Craig is confused at first, then he looks up and drops the speaker that he had been loading into a van.

"El, Ellie…" Craig said wide-eyed.

Ellie's hair is in perfect curls that bounce slightly as she walks. Her black skirt is the perfectly Goth and gorgeous. She had on a black corset top and sexy boots. Craig bites his lip and runs a hand through his hair, trying to regain composure.

"Are we almost ready?" Ellie says meekly.

They finished loading the equipment and left for the show. Marco was driving, Jimmy rode in the passenger seat and Craig and Ellie sat in the back. They we're laughing and playing around, and Craig gently laid his hand over hers. He never gripped her hand, never laced his fingers with hers, just let his hand lay on top of hers. Ellie felt loved. She wanted him to ask her out more than anything that she'd ever wanted in her entire life. She just wanted him to love… like… her the same way that she loves… likes… him.

"You look hot… no that sounds bad, I mean, you really look beautiful tonight." He says stumbling over his words.

"Thank you." She says under her breath, blushing and avoiding eye contact.

"Okay we're Downtown Sasquatch and this song is called Can't Keep My Hands Off You." Craig says. The song goes on and Craig keeps looking back and winking at Ellie. After a wonderful set, it was time for their last song. That is when Craig got this mischievous smile on his face.

"Okay the band doesn't know I'm doing this, but I have another little song planned. You guys just sit back and relax a minute. This one goes out to Ellie." He says, looking back to her and switching to an acoustic guitar.

"Cause I'd be _nowhere_ with out that girl." He says, pointing to her with the most serious face that she'd ever seen. She was already blushing.

You've been through so much

I know you understand

Why have you taken time

On such a screwed up man

I was in a darkness

There was nothing I could do

Until an angel shared her light

And that angel was you

I'd be no where

Without you

I'd be nothing

Without you

I don't want to know a world

Without you

So I'm so glad that in this life

I get you

Everyone clapped so loud, some girls wiping tears from their eyes. One of those girls was Ellie. He set his guitar down and opened his arms, Ellie running to fill them. It was such a high, their first decent gig, that song, everything. All of the band left the stage except Ellie who was taking apart her drums. A little while later Jimmy and Marco came back.

"Hey, me and Marco are going to go grab a bite, Craig's got his hands full so do you want to come?" Jimmy asks.

"Uh, no I think I'll stay here." She says. The moment that they are gone, she runs back behind the stage.

"Craig, I can't BELIEVE that you wrote that for me!" She says, a nervous giggle.

"Oh, hey I gotta go. Yeah. Bye." Craig says suspiciously. She hadn't noticed that he was talking on his cell phone.

"Who was that?" Ellie asks curiously.

"Uh that? On the phone? That was no one." He says. Deep down somewhere in her soul Ellie knew who it was, but she didn't want to know so she ignored it.

"Whatever. Sorry I interrupted you. I really loved the song Craig. It was perfect." She says.

"Not as perfect as you. You really are an angel." He says, grabbing her sides and putting his face less than an inch from hers. His hands slid down her sides in that dangerous way that friends hands should never do. Then he cracks up and walks to the stage to pack things up. The second disappointment of the day. They packed things up, and met up with Jimmy and Marco at The Dot. Then Craig took Ellie home, and walked her to the door.

"Tonight was awesome, I think it's a real breakthrough for us. The band that is." He says.

"Yeah." Ellie says, staring at his lips.

"Goodnight Elle." He says going to kiss her cheek casually, which Ellie got confused, her lips opening against the corner of his lips and cheek, her hands gripping the back of his neck. She freezes with complete humiliation. He slowly pulls away from her and she squeezes her eyes shut.

"Oh god… I'm so sorry… I just thought that, well I don't know what I thought but I shouldn't have…" She says, looking at the ground, he cuts off her rambling.

"Ellie…" He says, she stops and looks at him.

He immediately cups her face with his hands and pulls her into a warm kiss. And then another. And another. And then his tongue was caressing hers, and she could feel her body melt. As he pulled away he let his teeth squeeze her lip and tug at it just slightly. He placed another gentle kiss on her.

"Goodnight Ellie Nash." He says smiling.

"G-goodnight Craig Manning" She struggles to form words.

She walks into her house and laughs, spinning in a circle. She runs up her stairs and leaps onto her bed, sleeping solidly through the night, something that hadn't happened in years. When her eyes fluttered open she knew that something wasn't right. She just couldn't quite put her finger on it. She ignored it though, and got her things around for a shower. She sang as loud as she could in the shower

_I don't want to know a world _

_Without you_

_So I'm so glad that in this life_

I get you 

She gets ready smiling so brightly. She puts on a plaid pleated skirt and a black, smooth, long sleeved shirt. She lays around for awhile, does some chores, reads some of "Wonder When You'll Miss Me" by Amanda Davis. She just couldn't shake that feeling that something was horribly wrong. It was like some restlessness that tingled deep inside of her body. Everything seemed to be okay. She wrote a poem in her journal, and then, around 6:45 PM, about the time that it gets dark, she heard the phone ring… and her mother scream the worst scream that she'd ever heard. The kind that makes your blood rush to your face. The kind of scream that makes you hear your own heartbeat. She walked warily down the stairs not able to will her self to go any faster. Her mother was crumpled on the living room floor with the phone screaming repeatedly,

"NO NO NO NO NO NO!" so loud. Ellie finally rushed to her side.

"Mom! What is it?" She begs.

"Your father… he's DEAD." Her mother cries out. Everything stopped. The heartbeat grew louder in Ellie's ears, her lips felt swollen, and her whole face on fire.

"DADDY!" she screams not even realizing it. She sprints out of the house and into the ran. She can't stop running. The rain is so cold but she just keeps going. It's one of those shocks where it's so strong that you can't cry. All you can do is shake and scream. She ended up at Craig house. She needed him so terribly in that moment that she didn't even bother to knock she just ran in.

"Crai…" she screamed, and stopped a little short. Craig was on the couch in the dark… his shirt off… Manny's shirt off… pants undone… tongue in Manny's mouth. That same tongue that was in her mouth the night before. He jumped about a foot in the air and instantly jumps up to buckle his pants.

"Ellie.. Oh god.." He says, Ellie almost turns to leave then her anger takes over.

"Does she even know about how you are with me? Did that song mean nothing to you? DID YOUR TONGUE IN MY MOUTH MEAN _NOTHING_ TO YOU!" She screams so loud that she feels light-headed.

"You kissed her? What the hell Craig?" Manny pipes up.

"Yeah, what the hell Craig! What the fucking hell!" She exclaims, running out the door. Craig throws on a white t-shirt and runs after her.

"Ellie wait! I did mean that song, I thought that we were just messing around though." He starts, she cuts him off.

"Messing around? Messing around? I fucking _love_ you Craig. Yeah that's right. I fucking love you. And that makes me so sick." She says sobs racking her body, her voice the most painful sound that he'd ever heard.

"Well what am I supposed to do?" He asks, voice cracking with the volume. They were both soaked to the bone. The rain was coming down in sheets.

"LOVE _ME_! Kiss _ME_! Hold _ME_ on your couch in the dark Craig" She sobs out in a cry that hurts from your throat to your stomach.

"I can't do that Ellie. I'm not in love with you" He screams, lightening crashing at that exact moment. Ellie's mouth dropped shock incasing her mascara coated face.

"She will _never_ love you like I do. No one will ever _love_ you like _I_ do." She says through her teeth. Then she runs. The one person that could take it away has betrayed her. The one person that she ever trusted royally fucked her over. The one person who could save her from her mother was gone… forever. She fell to her knees in the middle of the sidewalk.

"I want my daddy, I want my daddy!" She cried into the night, crying harder than she'd ever cried before. So hard that she passed out there on the sidewalk.

She woke up an hour later and cried the entire way home. She walked into the house, clothing so sopping wet that it dribbled on the floor all the way up the stairs. She sits on her bed. And slowly without looking, she reaches into her side table and pulls it out. She carries it numbly to the bathroom. Her case of blades. Again and again she drags it across her skin. Blood soaks into everything, her clothes, towels, and her hair. It pools on the tile and in the sink. Some is smudged on her cheek.

"No one hurts like I do. No one bleeds like I do. No one loves him like I do. No one misses him like I do." She says under her breath as she moves to her legs. She carved into the top of her thigh

"LIKE I DO"

Suddenly she drops the blade onto the tile floor. She didn't even realize what she was doing. There had to be over 25 wounds on her arms, not to mention her legs.

"I'm so sorry daddy… what have I done?" she whispers, trying to stop the blood. Her mother walks in.

"Eleanor. My God Eleanor. Do you want everyone to think that we are a bunch of psychos? Oh my god, how are we going to be able to hide this." She says. That was the day that Ellie stopped talking. She was sent that day away like dirty laundry to the dry cleaners.

Three months later she's a mystery at the hospital. No one sees the pictures. They're all picture of Craig and her father and herself. The picture where she's whit her dad and Craig she's happy and she has no scars. In the one's that are just her, she covered in blood. No one knows why she doesn't talk. No one knows why she is so desperate to cut. He was her way. He was her reason to stop cutting. Her dad was her reason for staying in that house. The hope of him coming home kept her there. Now he's gone forever. With Her father and Craig, she lost her voice. Will she ever get it back? She isn't aloud contact with others. No one told Craig or anyone else about Ellie's father. They just said that she moved. Will he ever find out and bring her voice to her?


End file.
